so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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