so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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