dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
