I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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