The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
