Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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