just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
