I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
