Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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