i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it glows. i had to have it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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