I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She announced her abortion via fbk
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
