I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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