Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
