Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
