My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize