he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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