Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
