I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
