we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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