They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
