I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
