He kissed a someone with a penis
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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