so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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