I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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