ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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