we're blogging at a bar
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
