I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
