Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
