The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
