I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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