I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
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I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.