she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?