I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
