went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?