Tell her she can't have a vagina
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
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My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...