there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
