Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful