you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
