ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
