he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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