A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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