i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
