Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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