At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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