cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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