this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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