wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
