i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
