My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
