My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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