The maid of honor just puked.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
