remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
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im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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