I will die if light touches me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize