Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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