I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
