so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
