Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
