just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
