What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize