you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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