spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
