I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
