Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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