look no pants
Don't make out with my wife yet
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
