He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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