it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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