I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
