Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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