1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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