I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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