I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize