i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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