Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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